


He Was Weak and Foolish

by wishfulfanficing



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fix-It, Han Lives, Star Wars AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 10:30:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11011629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishfulfanficing/pseuds/wishfulfanficing





	He Was Weak and Foolish

“Ben!” His son’s name escaped the back of Han’s throat, scratching him as it came out. Maybe if he said it aloud enough times, like an incantation, he would come back.

“Han Solo.” That voice. That artificial, mechanical, hateful voice. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.”

“Take off that mask.” _Let me see you._ “You don’t need it.”

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?”

_You._ “The face of my son.”

To his surprise, Ben - Kylo? Ben - complied; Han saw his child’s face. It was pale and exhausted, but it was him. It was Leia’s eyes and Han’s chin and his own overwhelming anger.

“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father.” _You’re right, Ben. Your father was weak and your father was foolish._ “So I destroyed him.”

“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe.” Han walked, slowly, his heart sinking with every step. He walked forward mechanically, Leia’s voice ringing in his ears. _“Bring our son home.”_ “But it’s not true. My son is alive.” Another prayer, another desperate plea he hoped would realize.

“No.” Han felt faint, like he was being lifted out of his body. Everything fell away - it was only him and Kylo, him and Ben. “It’s too late.” The light came back in Ben’s eyes.

“No. It’s not.” _It’s not, Ben._ “Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.” _We. Your mother and me. Leia, your mother, my wife._

“I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain.“ _I know, kid._ "I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.” _Do it. You’re not weak. Not like me._ “Will you help me?”

“Yes.” He’d never said that word so fast in his life. “Anything.”

The mask dropped. Ben looked down. He held out his weapon, and Han placed his hand on his son’s.

The clouds blocked out the sun. Shadows once again covered Ben’s face. He couldn’t see Leia’s eyes anymore. 

The flash. The pain.

He heard Chewie roar. He heard Rey scream. He heard the crackle of Ben’s - Kylo’s - blade. He saw his son’s eyes - were those tears? He heard Ben’s broken voice whisper: “Thank you.”

Han reached out and caressed Ben’s cheek. It was cold. _I love you._

He fell.

“Han. Wake up.”

The warm air whipped past his cheeks.

“You’re dreaming, sweetheart, wake up.”

He felt so cold.

“HAN.”

His eyes snapped open; he felt Leia’s hand on his cheek. Relieved, he exhaled sharply. “Leia.”

She looked at him knowingly. “Ben?” she asked as she ran her fingers through his greying hair. He nodded. Leia stroked his cheek. Han hardly ever cried; when he did, it was about Ben. He’d had nightmares since the incident happened. Sometimes he’d stay asleep and mutter Ben’s name. Other times, he’d dream in snippets and feelings. Sometimes, like tonight, he’d relive the entire experience and wake up drenched in sweat. “I know, darling. I know,” she whispered to him.

He buried his face in her shoulder and tried to steady his breathing. She tucked his head under her chin and wrapped her arms around him. “I can’t… I’m so sorry Leia.” She didn’t say anything, but her grip on him tightened.

“There isn’t anything you could have done,” she finally said, her voice breaking. They’d talked about that day a few times; she knew what Han had said to their son. She knew Rey and Finn had been there, and she knew how awful he felt that they had seen. He knew that she had felt the moment it happened. “It’s not your fault.”

He sniffled. “I know,” he said, unconvinced, and pulled back to look at her. She kissed his forehead.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad you’re OK,” she breathed as he settled back into her arms.

He reached for her hand and held it tightly. “Me too,” he admitted.

“It’s not your fault,” she repeated and buried her face in his hair.

“I know,” he said, more firmly this time, squeezing her hand tightly. She squeezed back. “I’m glad I’m back too,” he muttered.

She smiled into his hair. “Go back to sleep, my love,” she told him.

Han nodded and closed his eyes, placing a kiss on her shoulder. “I love you,” he told her.

“I know,” she responded softly. “I love you too.”


End file.
